Ticket to: Anywhere, But Here

Do you ever feel like, as a parent in your hardest moments, you’re living on a merry-go-round?

Nothing changes, no matter how many times you suggest something.

Life feels repetitive, because you have to continuously remind children to do/not do things.

Days go by in a blur and you feel numb at having to repeat all these steps again tomorrow.

Despite the fact that you’re moving, you feel a restlessness, sometimes…of having tried every single thing you’ve read, every strategy you can think of, every technique your parents did (or didn’t do). You’ve been there, done that, got a drawerful of stained t-shirts (and tower of books about children’s behavior and parenting) to prove it.

You’re ready to stop going nowhere and land in a more comfortable place with your children.

I recently realized that my job is a lot like a mystery-adventure-travel-agent, with concentrated efforts focused on getting you off the parenthood merry-go-round.

Allow me take you through the gates of The Patternhood Travel Experience…

First, the end destination is a place you’ve likely never been to and the arrival time depends solely on you and your commitment to traveling in a new way.

In addition, there are some serious unknowns involved (When? Where? How? What if…?), but I’m aware of all the different routes we can access to make your travels more aligned with your hopes and dreams, so… you decide to trust me and book the experience.

For our first session you arrive fully—overly—prepared. You assume you are flying Southwest, with 2 free checked bags! You’ve brought your largest suitcases, each packed to the 50lb. limit, filled with your favorite pieces. You have prepared for every season, on any continent, and for all types of social settings.

You are geared up, literally and figuratively.                       

You can’t wait for me to hand over the tickets so that you can be on your way! Isn’t that what you signed up for? For a one-way ticket off the merry-go-round? Show me the way and make sure it’s a non-stop flight, you practically want to scream.

I explain that your trip is going to require you to pare down significantly. Think: Spirit airlines, one small suitcase, with a 35lb. limit and a mint-tin as a carry-on.  

You are shocked. This seems a bit drastic, to ask you to part ways with so many of your tried-and-true pieces. Is this really the time for minimalism?

You defend your stance. You tell me you have gone in circles with these things for many years.  You stumble back and question if this mystery adventure was a smart idea. Do you really even need a trip?  Why did you think you were a “destination unknown” person? Where did you get such a far-fetched idea? Is that even a smart way to parent? And what will your friends/family think when they hear about this?

You consider running back to the endless loop from which you came.

You feel slightly uncomfortable as I unzip the first suitcase and ask you about the item on top.

I listen thoughtfully as you explain the connection and memories you have to that, and each subsequent, item you’ve packed. We discuss how long you’ve carried them around. I Marie Kondo-remark on each piece; how lovely it is and how well it has served you.

We gently unpack the 100lbs. of luggage, together.

We discuss the histories and stories that each piece contains. We laugh. We cry. We mourn and celebrate.

And then we discuss where you’re going, your new place. By this point, I have narrowed your destination and routes down, so we converse about whether this familiar item will work in your new location. Some things go into a pile to be tweaked just bit. Some things will be left behind and replaced entirely.

Over time, with courage and partnership, we whittle down the baggage to just one simple carry-on. Inside it are foundational pieces that can be relied upon in most any situation. More importantly, they are things that make you feel unshakeable, confident, and true. You are no longer weighed down with excess and realize this streamlined approach to travel will allow you to focus whole heartedly on your adventure.

That’s when I hand over the tickets and remind you that you are equipped for anything.

There will be turbulence, but you recall that the merry-go-round wasn’t a smooth ride either, and at least you won’t be going in circles.

We review the contents of your bag. You agree that you do indeed have everything you need. I remind you that I’m only a video-call away if your confidence wavers and you fall back into old pack-rat habits.

And just like that, it’s time to jump off the merry-go-round and board your flight.

Your personal merry-go-round may be time-outs, yelling, or bribing and negotiating. Your “merry-go-round” may be more like a slide, quick and swift to respond. Or it might be that you react like a swing, changing your approach and answer depending on your mood.

Whatever your parenting style and cycle, I can provide travel assistance.

Our parenting shadows and patterns are as unique as our fingerprints. What I do know is that most parents feel like they’re alone in the hamster wheel and transforming oneself is a tricky thing to do without help. (That’s why tools, ideas, strategies, books, videos, and IG posts will not change your parenting.) It takes hard work and a trusting partnership.

If you’re finding yourself:

·     Ready to make changes in your parenting

·     Eager to pack new methods into your suitcase of strategies

·     Yearning to see your child more clearly…

You can either stay where you are or buckle up for a fun, supportive, forward-moving ride!

I'll get my neck scarf ready!

Hugs,

~A